


Timing Must Be Perfect Now

by monkiainen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 16:43:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12657432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: Severus and his love for Lily, over the years.





	Timing Must Be Perfect Now

**Author's Note:**

> For the Saturday Special at hh_sugarquill

Severus knows for certain that he loves Lily, no question about that. Has loved her since they were but ten years old, when Hogwarts was waiting for them and they had no House rivalries to separate them. Such is the first love of a Wizard that it will shape them forevermore, making them to the person they were, are and will be.

What does it say about Severus, then, when his first love is a fiery Gryffindor who doesn't love him back? Well, technically speaking that is not true, because Lily does love him – but not the way Severus would want her to. No, Lily's heart belongs to that insufferable monster whose greatest joy is to make Severus suffer day after day. Severus cannot understand what Lily sees in James Potter of all people.

Sometimes Severus dreams of him and Lily together, kissing passionately under the stars and vowing their eternal love. He is only a teenage boy, and sometimes his dreams are more erotic than not. In those moments Severus feels only lust towards Lily, and his love for her is pushed aside for more carnal thoughts. Afterwards Severus feels dirty and ashamed – how could he think of Lily that way, the pure and innocent girl he's known since forever? That is not how he should love Lily – he's not a playboy like Potter, who only likes to play with the girls and leave them once his urges has been satisfied. No. Severus is better than that, because his love for Lily is so pure and natural.

Lucius says there's no reason to separate lust and love, but what does he know about love anyway? It is given that he will marry Narcissa Black the moment the patriarchs of both families have an agreement over dowry – it is not a question of love, but of practicality and joining two pure-blooded wizarding families together. Severus doubts neither Lucius nor Narcissa knows what love means.

Severus cherishes his love for Lily, even after Lily does not want to have anything to do with him. Oh why oh why he called Lily the worst name he could? Severus knows that Lily will never forgive him, and she is forever lost for Severus. That does not stop Severus from loving Lily, because you can never forget your first love. Severus vows there and then he will never succumb to the lust like his peers – if he can't have Lily then he doesn't want to have anyone else.

It's easy to keep his promise, even when the other Death Eaters are having orgies left and right after massacres. Bellatrix is the most vocal of his taunters, calling him an eunuch while groping Lord Voldemort with a hungry look in her eyes. Bellatrix wouldn't know what love is, because she is not pure and innocent like Lily was. No, Bellatrix can only feel lust, and it's the force that's driving her forward. Severus knows he is better than Bellatrix, because he can feel love.

Severus knows he loves Lily now and forevermore.


End file.
